I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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