i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
