Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
