So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my shit smells like andre
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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