:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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