Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
