chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
