why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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