Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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