I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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