I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
