My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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