Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
