Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
