Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
