Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
