she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize