Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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