Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
