i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
