I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
