I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
