dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
