apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
