the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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