My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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