the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
