Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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