...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
