the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
whose ass print is on the piano?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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