Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
