Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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