True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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