do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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