i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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