I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
