Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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