I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
