the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
