My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
