is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
