So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
