i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
