Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
