apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
