This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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