he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
