I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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