Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
