Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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