i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
