OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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