Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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