You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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