dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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