I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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