how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
