RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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