I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize