He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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