Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize