first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
