She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
