You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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