The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
