So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
