Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize