I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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