she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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