some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
