That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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