After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
