margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
