I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
