So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
