Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
