billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
