Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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