They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
