As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
