Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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