Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
