Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
