So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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