Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
