he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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