Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
