my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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