You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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