Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
