I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
