She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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