sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
