I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
