I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
