I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
God I need to hump something, right now.
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