We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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