How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
