that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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