Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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