is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
