I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
